


By your Side

by tammci



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Fear, Hurt, M/M, antropophobia, sick
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-08-12
Updated: 2014-09-28
Packaged: 2018-02-12 20:33:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,150
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2123706
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tammci/pseuds/tammci
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Louis Tomlinson and Harry Styles share a small flat. They barely have enough money to get by and have to fear being thrown out of it because they cannot always pay the rent. In the flat across from them lives Liam Payne, who has had antropophobia since he was a child. As he meets the slightly aggressive barkeeper Zayn Malik, it's bound to become a chaos.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. O1|Prologue: So Cold

  
**By your side**

  
  
**O1|Prologue: So Cold**   
  
  
_Most fighters and winners come from the hungry, not from the fed._   
  
  


 

**L o n d o n | O2: 47**

 

 

  
  
Jittering, Louis turns on the mattress and tries cuddling into the thin blanket lying on him again. But, unfortunately, the cold doesn't disappear. Even though he's already wearing a jumper to bed, the Doncaster boy permanently wakes up from the cold. It's not even december yet, just the middle of september, even. Once again, the boy with the light brown hair turns around. He can't seem to fall asleep, no matter how hard he tries.  
  
With a sigh Louis untangles himself from the blanket and tries to stand up as quietly as possible to not wake his boyfriend, Harry Styles. At least Harry should get a full night's sleep. Light goosebumps cover Louis' skin as he lumbers over the chilly parquet floor with his naked feet.  
  
The room looks mysterious and scary in the darkness. The moon shines through the window and the furniture throws weird, moving shadows on the walls. Biting on his lower lip, Louis steps up to the window and looks in the cloudless sky. The stars shine bright above of London and warm Louis' heart. At least one thing that manages to make Louis happy.  
  
His day was a complete chaos. Not only has Harry told him they couldn't pay the rent once again, no, he got threatened to lose his job at an unknown fast food chain if he didn't start working faster and more effective.  
  
But Louis could not work as effective as his boss wished. He is a human who needs breaks and not a robot that strolls around without any emotion. Plus, the Doncaster boy cannot work as much as he would like – he already is malnourished because of his financial situation. Harry and he can barely buy food because they also have to pay their rent and bills.  
  
Over and over again the curly head has told him he was sorry because they had to live like that. But Louis didn't care. He is glad he can share a flat with Harry. Glad that they can have at least that.  
  
Harry tries to bring as much money home as he can. He works in a bakery in the mornings and tries making some money with playing music in the streets. He doesn't earn a lot.  
  
Louis can understand that Harry's parents cannot help them out. They have to watch out for themselves, they almost lost their house two years ago. Inevitably, his thoughts wander to his own family. He last saw them almost three years ago, when he got thrown out. He was 20 years old, back then. Until today Louis asks himself how his four sisters are doing. He misses them a lot.  
  
All of a sudden, Louis feels a movement from behind and two arms wind around his waist. Harry's warm breath grazes his neck and some hairs rise. “Why are you awake?”, Harry mumbles with a sleepy voice.  
  
Sighing and closing his eyes, Louis leans back against the tall body radiating a pleasant warmth. He is sorry about Harry being awake now, too. Was he being too loud or did Harry just realise in his sleep that the body usually lying next to him was missing?  
  
“I couldn't sleep”, Louis answers.  
  
“Are you cold?”  
  
Louis nods. “Yeah.” The Doncaster boy can feel how his boyfriend presses closer to him.  
  
“I'm sorry, Lou. I feel so bad because -”  
  
“No, please. It's not your fault at all!”, Louis interrupts him immediately whilst turning around in Harry's arms to look in his gentle, green eyes. He tenderly caresses Harry's cheek without interrupting the eye contact. He doesn't want Harry to feel sorry – for nothing. “I'm happy, okay?”  
  
“Hm.”  
  
“And that's all that counts.”  
  
“Hm ...”  
  
“Okay, so that is settled then”, Louis murmurs quietly, placing a hand on Harry's neck and pulling the taller boy's head down to kiss him on the lips. He hopes to silence him with this. “Let's go to bed now, you need to get up in a couple hours.”  
  
Without saying a word, Harry and Louis lay back down on the mattress lying on the floor. They don't even have the money for a proper bed. But they don't mind. They think it's original to sleep on a mattress on the floor. After laying down, the Doncaster boy cuddles up to Harry and places his head on his slowly rising and falling chest.  
  
The beating of Harry's heart quickly calms Louis down. The tiredness overcomes him like an upcoming train. He drifts into the darkness. Just in time, he still hears the sentence Harry whispers into his ear. “I love you.”  
  
A smile spreads on Louis' face.


	2. O2: So Alone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How do you find the chapter ?! ♥

O2: **So Alone**

  
  
  
_The biggest mistake you can make in life is to fear making a mistake._   
  


  
**L o n d o n | O6: 23**  
  
  
“N-no, Mum, I'm fine”, a young man with brown hair – Liam Payne – mumbles, sitting on a kitchen chair and trying to get rid of a stain on his kitchen table. The dirty spot makes him kinda nervous. He hears his mum sigh through the phone.  
  
“ _Liam_ ”, Karen – his mum – begins softly. He hears how she apparently leaves the room because a door closes. “I only want the best for you.”  
  
Drawing a shaky breath, Liam closes his eyes shortly and messes up his hair with his fingers. Of course he understands his mum, that he's worrying her, because Liam is not 'normal'. The Wolverhamptoner Boy calls himself a freak. A freak without any friends. And he still plays the adult, someone who can stand above everything, because it apparently doesn't matter to him at all.  
  
“ _I do know that -_ ”  
  
“Mum, I need to leave now”, Liam interrupts Karen abruptly. He doesn't want to have to bear with his mum anymore, his nerves were all on edge.   
  
Karen sighs. “ _Okay, darling._ ”  
  
“Hm.”  
  
“ _You know that I love you, yeah?_ ”, she says with a soft and empathetic voice. Liam could burst into tears right now, right here. His heart constricts as he realises that he's simply trying to get rid of his mum.   
  
“I love you, too”, he murmurs quickly with a rough voice and tears in his eyes before he presses the red button on his phone and ends the conversation. His hands are shaking terribly and with clouded eyesight he stands up. He's standing in the middle of his kitchen, unsteady on his feet, and doesn't really know what to do with himself.  
  
Liam has no friends, no acquaintances – no one.  
  
Ever since he was a child he lived his life completely alone and has always been alright. Sure, he feels alone, and, needless to say, he knows that he is different. A freak, an eccentric. Someone that he hates himself, even. Deeply.  
  
When he was eight years old, he got diagnosed with 'Antrophobia', social fear. It actually only starts to show during puberty, but because Liam already had little self confidence as a child, he was sent to a specialist much earlier. His phobia can also be named as “He-Is-Afraid-Of-Meeting-Other-People”-Phobia.  
  
To finally be able to live by himself and maybe socialise a bit after all, Liam moved to London to start a new life. In his old town everyone knew about Liam's phobia. No one really knew how to handle it, or Liam.   
Here, in London, Liam hasn't really had a chance to develop. He has the feeling that everyone throws scathing looks at him wherever he goes.  
  
Has he dared too much? He just wants to live a normal life, just like everyone else.  
  
With quiet steps he walks into the hallway to put the phone back to charge. After doing this, he throws a quick look around to make sure everything is clean and tidy.  
  
He walks into the living room and finds his small cat Tapsy lying on the beige sofa. Liam found Tapsy two weeks ago as he fled from work to get home and suddenly heard the pathetic 'Meow'. Of course some other people heard it, too, but as they saw the small black cat, they walked by with quick steps. Tapsy has extraordinary looks. A small body, but a big head with jug ears.  
  
An eccentric, Liam thought. Without further ado he took Tapsy – what became her name later  on – home.  
  
The brown haired boy sits down next to the cat carefully and pets her soft fur gently. Tapsy begins to purr. Liam calms down.  
  
“You're my friend, aren't you?”, he asks quietly and watches how Tapsy looks at him with one open eye as if she's trying to show him that she's listening and that he's right.  
  
Liam closes his eyes with as small smile. “Thanks for being my friend ...”

  
  
  
  
∆  
  
  


  
  
**L o n d o n | O7: O4**   
  


  
With half closed eyes, Harry stands in the bakery and kneads the dough for some new buns. The every morning's onslaught is already over. But he knows there will be another one.  
  
Only with great effort Harry can suppress a yawn as he forms small balls out of the dough and them presses them to the right form. He's done this often enough to be able to do it asleep.   
  
He really almost falls asleep as he realises that his fingers are not longer working the dough. God, he feels terrible today, working in the speed of a snail. He lay awake the whole night and wracked his brain.  
  
He suddenly woke up as he realised that Louis' warm body was gone and he got cold. Needless to say, he wasn't surprised that his boyfriend wasn't lying next to him, the Doncaster Boy often stood up during the night and looked out of the window.  
  
But still, Harry gets sad every time he sees Louis standing there. He looks fragile, which is true, because Louis is so skinny. A doctor prescribed him so vitamins half a year ago. Vitamins that Louis and Harry cannot afford. Harry could punch himself because Louis has to go through this. They don't have money for heating and hope to get by with blankets and thick sweaters. Last year in winter, Louis wore two sweaters and was still shaking like mad.  
  
During the night, Louis is freezing, too, and Harry feels bad for putting him through this. He would've understood if Louis left him long ago, Harry cannot offer him anything. But he stayed. Passed two rough winters with him already.  
  
Sighing, Harry lays the last bun on the baking tray before taking it and pushing it in the oven. He's done here for now. His green eyes look for a cloth to clean the counter.  
  
His chef attaches great importance to hygiene. Even bigger importance than to friendliness – that is second place, though. She has helped Harry many times already, giving him a little money earlier than payday sometimes and even a small pay raise. But it hasn't really helped.  
  
But Harry can understand that she needs the money herself, of course. For herself, and to pay the other workers. She only knows of Harry's financial problems. Harry can still remember how he begged the blond haired woman behind the counter of the bakery to give him a job. No matter when he would have to work, or if he even just had to clean. As she said 'yes', he burst into tears.  
  
After Harry cleaned the table, he puts the cloth aside, throws a quick look in the oven to look after the buns, then leaves the room and steps up the the counter to take care of new customers.   
  
Even though he is glad to have a small job, he is excited to go home. He's not sure if Louis is waiting there for him, because they both have different working times all the time.  
  
  


  
  
∆  
  


  
  
  
 **L o n d o n | 23: 24**  
  
Agitated, Liam stumbles through a dark London. It's raining gently and Liam has forgotten his umbrella in his flat, of course. Luckily, he is on the way back home already. Liam just left work.  
  
He works at a Callcenter, in the evenings, mostly, where he can repair broken computers or other electronic devices in peace and quiet. At night, there's not as much to do as during the days. The job is really made for Liam, because he doesn't like being with people.   
Even though that probably would be an advantage for him.  
  
But Liam actually is quite glad that he found work in London. And he's getting a fair amount of money out of it. It's not a lot, but it's enough to live here. Alone.  
  
Just as Liam's thoughts wander to his cat, he runs into someone. A not very manly scream leaves Liam's mouth, and he's immediately very embarrassed.   
  
“Goddammit, just pay some attention, will you!”, some guy with black hair starts whinging and stares the brown haired boy down with his amber eyes.  
  
Liam's eyes get big. He realises how his heart starts beating faster and faster and how his hands start to shake. He should apologise. He knows that he should apologise. But he can't.  
  
Liam just can't.


	3. O3: The Attempt

  
O3: **The Attempt**  
  
  
 _In every humans' heart, pain fills the empty spaces so they can start to noticeably exist._  
  


  
 **L o n d o n | 23: 3O**  
  
  
Even after a couple of minutes have passed, Liam is still staring at the black haired guy with wide eyes. He's scared and he doesn't really know what to do. His heart beats faster and faster while his hands are shaking uncontrollably. The piercing amber eyes are simply too much for him – even though the stranger isn't judging him. Liam is going crazy.  
  
“I-i-i-i'm sor- … I-i-”, he tries apologising. It was indeed his fault, because he straight up ran into the black haired boy whilst being absorbed in thought once again. Liam has problems with saying two simple words. He has to interrupt himself and he is so embarrassed. So embarrassed that tears start to form in his eyes.  
  
Maybe one reason for the tears is also that Liam just doesn't know where he is anymore, what he should be thinking right now, in this moment. He doesn't know what he's doing on this street anymore. Why did he even leave his flat today? He had a weird feeling throughout the whole day, starting with the awkward phone call he had with his mum.  
  
Liam doesn't even realise that the guy with the black hair tips his head and looks at Liam, obviously very confused. “Man ...”, he starts off, “I didn't want to scare you.”   
  
Liam shakes his head immediately. He didn't scare him, Liam normally doesn't get scared easily. It's just the fear of social contact that makes him go crazy. Drawing a shaky breath, he closes his eyes, then takes a deep breath again just to calm down.  
  
“You d-didn't … sc-scare … m-me”, Liam presses out with great effort and congratulates himself with an imaginary pat on the shoulder for kind of succeeding at stuttering out that sentence.  
  
“Hm. Everything alright, apart from that?”, the stranger asks and raises an eyebrow questioningly.   
  
Liam nods immediately, even though his body shows the total opposite. He is shaking like mad, his legs feel all wobbly and he feels as if he's going to faint any second now. On the inside, Liam actually feels quite comfortable. He doesn't know why, maybe it's the calmness that the black haired guy radiates. Or his eyes looking at him, soft and caring.   
  
Liam often met people that made fun of his illness. Even though they apparently suddenly didn't know that he even had an illness to start with after it happened.  
  
“I-i should ...”, Liam starts off quietly and lifts a hand shakily to point in a certain direction. “G-go home.”  
  
“Really? You're looking quite pale.”  
  
“I-i'm fine ...” Liam lifts a hand and runs his fingers through his hair. He smiles at the guy with the black hair one last time, very shakily, and then passes him with quick steps. It is the longest conversation Liam ever had with a stranger.  
  
The way home luckily goes by without any other interruptions. That may be because the brown haired boy didn't pay any attention to everything around him after the collision. Now he is standing in front of his flat door and fishes for his keys in his pocket to open the door quietly.  
He has been quiet for days now whilst opening his door to not wake Tapsy. He wants her to feel as comfortable as possible. He thinks it sounds a bit pathetic, actually, that he cares for his cat as much as he would if she was a person. And a person can say goodbye and leave to never come back very quickly.  
  
Liam looks the door behind him, switches on the light in the hallway and pulls off his shoes to place them next to the wall neatly so noone will stumble over them. After that, he hangs up his jacket and wants to take his wallet out of it to place it on the shelf in the hallway. But as Liam searches for it in the left pocket, he cannot feel anything. He frowns, confused. Then he just shrugs his shoulders and searches in the right pocket of his jacket, but again - nothing.  
  
He's panicking slightly now. He immediately takes his jacket back down and shakes it, hoping for it to fall out. But nothing happens. He shakes the piece of clothing again and again, but the only thing he can hear is the jiggling of the zipper.  
  
“Oh no … please, please, no!”, Liam whines. He lost his wallet.  
  
His fucking wallet, with everything important. His ID, his money – everything! Tears start to form in Liam's eyes as he sinks to his knees. He doesn't understand how his wallet can be gone. He could still feel it pressing against his hip on the way home!  
  
His head is facing the ground as tears roll over his cheeks. He cannot do anything right at all, can he?  
  
He is too stupid to make any friends.   
  
And he also is too stupid to take care of his own belongings.  
  
Sobbing, Liam wipes the tears away.   
  
“You are such a loser, Liam”, he says to himself. Into the silence.  
  
  
  


  
  
  
  
∆  
  


  
  
  
  
 **L o n d o n | 23: 45**  
  
Completely done, Louis finally arrives at the flat. He actually should have been home hours ago, but his boss thought it would be a good idea to let Louis work 30 minutes overtime.   
Because of that, Louis missed his train and his bus.   
He would have liked to kill his boss right then and there, but … he really needs this job.  
  
Slightly confused, Louis frowns. He can see the kitchen light switched on. He quickly pulls off his shoes and hangs up his jacket, then walks into the room with quick steps.   
  
“What … ?”, the Doncaster Boy starts off sceptically as he sees Harry sitting at the small table. There are two plates, two glasses, forks and spoons. There's also a pot of noddles standing in the middle.  
  
The boy with the curly hair grins lightly as he sees his boyfriend's confused face. He stands up immediately and walks up to Louis, taking his face in his hands. “Did you really think I'd let you go to bed without dinner?”, he mumbles lovingly before laying his lips onto Louis' softly.   
Louis sighs and wraps his arms around Harry's waist. After a couple minutes they pull apart and look at each other.   
“You're so … thank you.” Louis cannot believe that his boyfriend stayed up for him and even cooked him dinner.  
  
Harry giggles quietly, presses a quick peck to Louis' cheek and then walks back to the table. “I would do everything for you, babe!”  
  
“Everything?”, Louis immediately asks, raising his eyebrows and sitting down on a chair, just like Harry.   
  
The boy with the curly hair nods whilst putting some noodles onto Louis' plate. “Everything. Honestly, everything.”  
  
“That means a lot to me, do you know that?”  
  
“I think I can imagine”, Harry says quietly and quickly stuffs a fork full off noodles in his mouth.   
  
Louis, though, is looking for some sauce on the table. “Are we just eating the noodles?”, he asks and bites down on his lower lip.   
  
“Hm”, Harry mumbles. “I think we've still got some mustard in the fridge … but that's not really the right sauce for noodles.”  
  
“Oh.”  
  
“I'm sorry, Lou”, Harry sighs and runs his fingers through his hair.  
  
But the Doncaster Boy immediately shushes him. “No, Harry. It's not your fault!”  
  
“But-”  
  
“No! And now shut up and eat.”  
  
Louis already feels bad for telling Harry off that roughly. That wasn't right. It's normal for his boyfriend to worry – he's right, they do live under quite bad conditions. But nevertheless, he just doesn't want to hear him taking the whole blame. Louis does eat the food, too, and he also uses the water, he lives here, too. He messes up his hair, sighing.   
  
“Harry, I'm sorry, I didn't wanna say that.” The older boy looks at his boyfriend with sad eyes.  
  
“It's fine Louis, I just worry a lot … you know I love you … a-and I just want the best for you.”  
  
“I'm fine, Harry, really.” Louis takes Harry's Hand laying on the table in his and softly strokes his thumb over the back. “When I'm together with you I don't care where or how we live.”  
  
“Hm.”  
  
“Oh, yes, and I love you as well”, Louis giggles lightly.  
  
  


  
  
  
∆  
  


  
  
  
 **L o n d o n | O8: 48**  
  
Groaning, Zayn Malik turns onto his other side as he hears the music and loud singing of his flatmate Niall Horan. Grumbling, he presses his hands upon his ears to blend out the noise. But it doesn't help.   
God, how he wants to kill Niall right now.  
  
The boy with the black hair couldn't really sleep at all that night. He had to think of the brown haired guy that looked like he was about to cry, again and again. Zayn couldn't understand why the boy was so upset. Okay, Zayn is kind of someone that easily gets annoyed and when that happens he sometimes says rude things he doesn't really intend to say. But never did someone react like this.   
He looked like a shot puppy. So alone and not understanding the situation at all.  
  
Zayn quickly rubs his eyes and then rolls out of bed. He just knows he won't be able to fall asleep anymore because of his running thoughts and Niall. The weird thing, though, is that he never actually cared for a person he was rude to that much. But the brown haired boy was so … different.  
  
Clearing his throat, he steps into the kitchen quietly. There, a happy irish boy is standing in front of the stove and literally jumps around whilst preparing bacon and eggs. Niall's hair is actually brown, but he started colouring it blond years ago. Only a little bit of the brown colour peeks out at the roots, showing that he isn't really blond.  
  
“Should I choke or stab you?”, Zayn asks grumbly as he turns down the radio. He cannot stand this volume right after getting out of bed.  
  
Shocked, Niall turns around and stares at his friend out of his blue eyes. “Nothing of the above, actually, please.” He turns back around to the stove and turns it off before facing his flatmate once again. “Why're you in such a bad mood?”  
  
“I'm not in a bad mood”, Zayn grumbles and lets himself fall onto a chair.   
  
Niall starts laughing. He's always loud, showing that once again in this moment. “You literally threatened to kill me just now.”  
  
“Because you were that loud that early!”  
  
“Man, it's almost nine o'clock. You normally are awake around that time, already.”  
  
Zayn moans, messing up his hair. “I couldn't sleep.”  
  
“Why?”  
  
Zayn just shushes him. He doesn't really want to talk about his. Also, he's sure Niall will make some stupid comment. He never takes what Niall says personally – he knows Niall never means it that way – but still he doesn't want to hear it, not now.  
  
He looks around the table and sees a brown wallet lying there. He lifts his eyebrows, confused.  “Do you have a new wallet?”  
  
“Hm? No. Found that on the street. I wanted to bring it back to its owner. I mean, it's shit when your ID and everything is gone”, Niall says as he's putting the bacon and eggs onto a plate.  
  
Without thinking about it Zayn grabs the wallet and opens it. Just a few seconds later he pulls out the ID and suddenly inhales air quickly.   
  
Niall tips his head. “Everything alright?”  
  
“I know that guy!”


End file.
